YOUR PETROLEUM DOLLARS AT WORK.
I think everyone in the US should get one free voucher from the Saudi's for a flight on Emirates Airlines. After all, we all paid for it, right?
So, once upon on a time, in a far-away land, (Dubai) taking a flight was a marvelous and exciting adventure filled with joy and happiness. In that far-away land you are greeted by a beautiful stewardess (a noun still allowed, with an adjective that does not constitute harassment) at the door to the air terminal, as you depart a car that picked you up at your hotel, courtesy of the airline you are about to fly. That marvelous lady escorts you thru a glass and marble hall with towering ceilings, lit like the morning sun, to a marble counter with a smiling young woman who kindly asks for your passport so she may happily check you in. No amount of luggage is too much and so, as you are handed your boarding pass, multiple young people (everyone is young to us these days) asks if they can help as they direct you to your next stop.
And, there, in front of you, are those nefarious metal detectors. But, not to worry, a carrier is instantly placed in front of you and the person on the other side asks if they can help you. You're stunned--aren't they supposed to scowl, demand you remove your computer, your camera, your phone, your hearing aid, your belt, your pacemaker, your underwear? No, because this is a far-away land where airport dreams come true. They ask to "assist" you in this unfortunate process which they lament as much you.
Then you amble past yet more people, clad in shirts that say "Can I help you", each one quick to point you in the right direction to the glass enclosed, marble and steel, elevators that whisk you to the fifth level where you are greeted again and told, "You must be Mr. and Mrs. Troupis. Welcome to humble airline. Simply pass through "those doors" to the lounge area where you will not be bothered by anyone and you can then walk at your leisure down a private corridor to your plane when the time comes."
As you pass thru those magic doors you see this is no ordinary lounge. No, this is a fairyland lounge of endless buffets of food, drink, TV's, newspapers, computer screens, fruit and honey, and marble and glass as far as you can see.
Welcome to the Emirates Airline Fairy Tale.
But, of course, you would not go to this Fairyland terminal without a plane to match, and so you cross a double decked bridge to the second level of an "airbus"-- but this is a "bus" like no other. Every seat has its own bar, two televisions, a seat that folds into a bed, a private portal to the outside with automatic shutters. A phone, noise cancelling earphones and you are introduced to your own personal steward(ess) who you may call at any time with the push of a button.
The movie selection -- 1200 movies and shows. Camera's--you can watch the progress of n your trip from a tail camera mounted on the outside of the plane.
Food/Drink--champagne is offered before take-off, breakfast or lunch, whatever you prefer, endless drinks, fruits, olives, and did I say drinks. Even in Fairyland they need an introduction to Wisconsin--that frozen tundra, fairyland now to the Eskimos--They need a bit of help on making a Brandy Manhattan, which I am more than pleased to provide as they open the bar to anyone for anything--service is the only standard. (But now all fellow Badgers can look forward to their trip as I am sure the recipe for a Manhattan will be communicated throughout the Emirates Kingdom.)
So, when they say air travel is a drag. That a proctology exam is more enjoyable than a trip to "OHare" or any other American airport. Remember what your petro dollars have bought for the rest of the world--Emirates Airlines. Proof certain, that infinite amounts of American cash can build an airline that works.
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